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Blow job 10/26/2004
A man wakes up in the night feeling horny, so he gives his
wife a nudge an asks for a blow job. She looks at the clock
and says "I'm too tired-wank in a glass and I'll
drink it in the morning!"
0 Comments,
51 Views,
9 Votes
,1.50 Score
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Lonely Trucker 10/26/2004
A trucker stops at a brothel. He walks up to the Madam, drops
$1.000 and says "I want your ugliest woman and a stale
baloney sandwich!" The madam is astonished. "But
Sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest
ladies and a three course meal." The trucker replies
"Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'm
just homesick."
0 Comments,
42 Views,
12 Votes
,3.51 Score
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Blondes 10/26/2004
A blonde who suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her goes
out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly,
opens the door, and, sure enough, finds him naked in the
arms of a redhead. Well, now she’s angry. She opens her purse
and takes out the gun. But as she does so, she is overcome
with grief and points the gun at her own head.
<br>
The boyfriend yells, "No, ...
0 Comments,
45 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Tired 10/26/2004
A woman goes to her doctor complaining of exhaustion. After
the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around
to asking her how often she has intercourse.
<br>
“Every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday, ” she says. The
doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday.
<br>
“I can’t, ” says the woman. “That’s the only night I’m home
with my husband.”
0 Comments,
39 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
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The Pharmacist 10/26/2004
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist
says the condoms come in packs of three, nine or 12, and asks
which the young man wants. “Well, ” he said, “I’ve been
seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want
the condoms because I think tonight’s ‘the night.’ We’re
having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out.
And I’ve got a ...
0 Comments,
52 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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What would you do? 10/26/2004
Two male buddies were walking through the woods when out
of no where, a poisonous snake came and bit one of the men
in the penis! The man collapsed to the ground while his friend
ran to town to get help. The man arrived at a doctor's
office and said help, help, my friend was bit by a snake in
the penis. The doctor remarked that he couldn't get
all his tools to the woods in time to save the ...
0 Comments,
25 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Golf 10/26/2004
A man is getting ready to play his usual Sunday round of golf
when his wife, feeling they’re drifting apart and their
marriage is failing, asks if she can come along. The man
realizes he has no real choice in the matter and reluctantly
agrees.
<br>
The man golfs an impressive round until the 17th hole, when
he hooks one off the fairway behind a maintenance shed.
The man curses, ...
0 Comments,
32 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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adorable 10/22/2004
An adorable little girl, all blonde curls and blue eyes
walks into a petshop and asks in the sweetest little lisp:"Excuthe
me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" The shopkeeper´s
heart melts and he points at a glass case, "Do you
want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby?"
The little girl rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her
knees, leans forward and says in a quiet ...
0 Comments,
62 Views,
6 Votes
,5.07 Score
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Never too late 10/22/2004
A lonely spinster, aged 81, decided that it was time to get
married, so she put an ad in the local paper that read:"Husband
wanted, must be in my age group(80s), must not run around
on me, must not beat me and must still be good in bed! All applicants
please apply in person."
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay,
she opened the door to see a grey haired gentleman ...
0 Comments,
53 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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rodney dangerfield one liners 10/22/2004
I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a . I dropped my pants.
She dropped her price.
I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. I
told him, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping
pills." He told me to have a few drinks and get some
rest.
I tell ya when I was a , all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo,
it never came back!
When I was a I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped,
and ...
0 Comments,
69 Views,
9 Votes
,6.42 Score
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NA vs MJ 10/12/2004
What's the difference between Neil armstrong and
Michael Jackson?
<br>
Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon.
Michael Jackson just f*cks little .
0 Comments,
29 Views,
11 Votes
,1.48 Score
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Bush Visits a Nursing Home 10/10/2004
Bush Visits a Nursing Home
<br>
President George W. Bush decides it is time to do some public
relations at a local Washington DC nursing home.
The President begins his "tour" down the main
hallway and passes by a little old man who doesn't seem
to notice him.
<br>
Sensing this, President Bush backtracks to the resident
and asks, "Do you know who I am?"
...
0 Comments,
37 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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Drunk and Arthritis 10/10/2004
A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He
sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained,
his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty
bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his
newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later,
he asked the priest, ''Father, what causes arthritis?''
''Mister, it's caused by loose living, ...
0 Comments,
37 Views,
9 Votes
,5.35 Score
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Close Enough For Government 10/10/2004
3 were trying to figure out whose dad was the best.
"My dad is so good he can shoot an arrow, run after it,
get in front of it, and catch it in his bare hands."
<br>
"My dad is so good that he can shoot a gun, run after
the bullet, get in front of it and catch it in his bare hands."
<br>
"I've got you both beat. My dad's so good
because he works for the state ...
0 Comments,
34 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
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Olllllld Lawyer 10/10/2004
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay,
there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see
St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the
gate and came down the long line to where the laywer was,
and greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer
by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and
into a ...
0 Comments,
33 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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The Popular Mule 10/10/2004
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother,
who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While
they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule
suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the
head, killing her instantly.
At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood
near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The
pastor noticed that ...
0 Comments,
95 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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Mother in law 10/10/2004
A man's house is on fire. He runs out of the house with
his and tells him to wait outside. Then he runs back in
and gets is and brings her ouside. Then his wife.
Then the dog. Then he goes back in a couple of times without
bringing out anybody.
So a fireman asks him, "Why are you going back in there?"
<br>
The man replies, "I'm turning over my mother
in law."
0 Comments,
86 Views,
10 Votes
,2.99 Score
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Love At First Sight 10/10/2004
A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there was a gorgeous
blonde eating at the next table. He had been checking her
out all night, but lacked the nerve to go talk to her. Suddenly
she sneezed and her glass eye went flying out of its socket
towards the man. With lightning quick reflexes, he caught
it in mid-air.
''Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, '' she said
as she popped her eye back in ...
0 Comments,
39 Views,
11 Votes
,4.29 Score
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Supermarket Mother 10/10/2004
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick a few
things when he noticed an old lady following him around.
Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.
Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front
of him.
"Pardon me, " she said, "I'm sorry
if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's
just that you look just like my who just died ...
0 Comments,
44 Views,
10 Votes
,4.78 Score
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Chair Man of the Board 10/10/2004
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive''s
wife stopped by his office.
When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary
sitting in his lap.
<br>
Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion,
gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue
to operate this office with just one chair."
0 Comments,
44 Views,
13 Votes
,4.15 Score
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Circumcision...At Your Age? 10/10/2004
Two guys are sharing a hospital room.
"What are you in for?"
<br>
"I''m getting a circumcision."
<br>
"Damn! I had that done when I was born and I couldn''t
walk for a year!"
0 Comments,
27 Views,
14 Votes
,4.26 Score
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The Devil 10/9/2004
Three men die and go to hell..the devil says to them now if
you can run up these 100 steps before i press this button
and I will allow you to go into heaven..if not i get to do the
worst thing imagineable. So the guys agreed to try.
<br>
The first guy starts running gets to 91..92..93..94 and
boom the devil presses the button and the guy comes sliding
down. The devil says "what ...
0 Comments,
229 Views,
20 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Hooters Girl 10/4/2004
What did the Hooters Girl say after having sex?!?
So...you all on the same team?
0 Comments,
124 Views,
14 Votes
,2.98 Score
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pirate on shore 10/2/2004
one day this lady was walking by the ocean when she saw a pirate walking down the boardwalk. Sticking out of the pirates zipper was a steering wheel. She couldn't help herself but to ask the pirate. "why do you have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants"?
The pirate says. "Argh Its driving me nuts"
0 Comments,
35 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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Barbed cut 9/28/2004
Barbed cut:
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. When he offered to pay, the
barber refused saying:" I can't accept money from you. You 're a good man---
you do God's work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the
door of his shop.
One day, he gave a haircut to a policeman. When he offered to pay, the
barber refused, saying:"You're a good man-----you protect the ...
0 Comments,
45 Views,
9 Votes
,3.64 Score
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Are You Really Sure? 9/26/2004
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a ...
0 Comments,
43 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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car accident 9/26/2004
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier ...
0 Comments,
38 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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bush and condom 9/23/2004
Why is Bush like a condom?
A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys
the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives
you a sense of security while you're actually being
screwed.
<br>
Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.
0 Comments,
45 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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hippie 9/23/2004
A hippie hops onto a bus and see's a Nun. He says to the nun "Will you have Sex with me?" The nun immediately declines and hops off at the next stop. The hippy trys to follow her but is stopped by the bus driver (male). He says to the hippy "I know how you can get her to have sex with you!!!" The hippy anxously listens. "Every Tuesday the nun goes to the cemetry to prey. All you have to do is go ...
0 Comments,
52 Views,
0 Votes
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old lady 9/23/2004
a man walks in to a bar and sees a huge jar of 10 dollar bills. He asks the bar tender waht they're for and the bar thender replies "if you pay me ten bucks i'll give you 3 tasks to compleate and if you compleate them you ein all the ten dollar bills". the man thinks what the hell and gives the bar tender ten bucks. "ok" says the bar tender "the first task it you see that big jar of tequila over ...
0 Comments,
47 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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