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My Blog

Welcome to my blog!

Time
Posted:Apr 1, 2023 3:38 am
Last Updated:Aug 3, 2023 2:56 am
4032 Views

I just think we all need time.
Time to reflect
Time to rest
Time to think
Time to cry
Time to heal
Some of us just need time to just sort the good from bad
And maybe with time, find our place in the universe again.
4 Comments , 1 Pending
~Sigh~
Posted:Jan 8, 2023 10:58 am
Last Updated:Feb 26, 2023 12:55 pm
7886 Views


"Even the bad ones say the right things"

Wow, isn't that the truth!!

Wonder if I will ever learn.

I am tired of this ride....wonder if getting off the pathway would be a good thing.

~sigh~

hush
21 Comments
Silence
Posted:Jan 5, 2023 5:21 pm
Last Updated:Jan 6, 2023 6:48 pm
6685 Views

This is just a vent,,,I don't expect it to matter much to anyone.
Truth
Sometimes it hurts, sometimes its helpful but always at least for me, its a closure and it helps me to have a close to a situation, story or moment.

Why do some find it so hard to just speak truth?
Why do some not manup or womanup and speak the truth?

Open ended stories, situations or moments can be painful, stressful and can play havoc on someone like me.

I am one that would rather deal with the painful truth, than to have to deal with an open ended question of why?

Again, just a rant.

hush
2 Comments
Its been a minute.................
Posted:Nov 8, 2022 9:07 am
Last Updated:Nov 13, 2022 4:40 am
7208 Views

I have not posted here for awhile. Life has kept me busy and honestly have not taken the time to just put down any thoughts. So something pretty cool happened recently, and so I am going to attempt to put my thoughts down pertaining to such a thing.

I had the opportunity to do a session with a Dom that I am very well acquainted with. I have a lot of respect for Him and also I have great trust of Him.

Anyway..story goes....

During "play" when I am in what I call my "zone" I go quiet, seriously I do not have any ability to speak, even my usual sounds become a light moan.
This Dom knows this. He has learned this about me.
I am so thrilled to know that He is aware that my ability to use my safeword becomes almost impossible. He always talks to me just enough to make sure I am safe.
I never thought I'd ever find a dynamic with someone, that I have with Him. It was not something developed over night, and it still grows ever time we are together.
It makes me all gooey to see how our relationship has changed over the years, and glad to see it still continues to develop. I am thrilled with my growth, and I look forward to just how much more I grow.

I am no sure anyone is interested in this comment, but again..just my thoughts...another mile on my journey.

hush
3 Comments
A road less traveled, please?
Posted:Aug 14, 2022 6:08 am
Last Updated:Nov 16, 2022 5:27 pm
9746 Views

It's been awhile since I've wrote here. Life has thrown me a few curves and there has been major construction and some big pot holes to maneuver around. The new path created is not something planned for or even wanted, but it is what it is.

The FWB is gone, history and that chapter is over. I had a Dom for a good while, but seems He too has disappeared, taking with him a part of my
mind, and heart that has left an emptiness and a disillusionment that I had not expected. I am still in the process of trying to sort out all the details of what exactly IT WAS. I am not really even sure He was what He claimed to be. At first things seemed genuine. I thought that I was following my self imposed rules, but it seems that I had zero clue as to even what D/s is.
I've come to a place in which I am not sure bdsm is even for me. I've been here before, I've followed the "vanilla" path before, hence the FWB, but I am absolutely sure that the happiness I search for is not going to be found along the "vanilla" path.

So for now, I will walk forward. I will continue to chat, discuss, read, and dream about a time when the path leads me to a place where I can explore my submissive desires.

I am not ready to open my mind up to anyone right now, not sure if that will happen anytime soon, and I am sure as hell not ready to open my heart.

I am still in a sort of "mourning"
I miss who I thought He was.
I am sad at the loss.
I am confused.
I am sad.
I feel my breath get caught when I recall the sweet marks He left on my body, and the ones left on my mind and heart.
I'm trying to forgive myself.
I'm trying to find a lesson in it all.

I am trying to find the joy again.

hush
18 Comments
Desire, Lust, Want, Need
Posted:Mar 15, 2022 12:26 pm
Last Updated:Nov 16, 2022 5:30 pm
9842 Views

Whatever someone calls it..its there at times.
For me I have this feeling,,,this desire, and at times this need.
I wish to hear approval from someone special, I need someone to put me in my place, correct me and scold me when I might do something not so nice.

I do question why I have these desires....Do these needs make me weak? I know I struggle with this on occasion. I know I enjoy serving someone, I know I find pleasure in doing so, but I also know that for me..I just have a hard time trusting someone enough to give over that much control.

Unfortunately over the years I have entertained too many liars, fakes and just plain idiots. With these experiences I have put up walls and I have now unfortunately see everyone as such. I hate it, but I just can't seem to believe anyone.

I have tried and I thought that I was letting my guard down, but reviewing things I see that I really don't. I still keep my heart and my mind,,,closed off. I also question if I will meet someone who builds on that desire. Who will want to spend the time to break down those walls. I am afraid that will never happen.

I am sad and I just wonder sometime if being alone is just safer. I know of a few who have made choice to be alone. And I wonder if that will be my final choice one day.

Again, just ramblings of this girl on her journey.

hush
2 Comments
Non sexual moments of intimacy
Posted:Feb 24, 2022 12:48 pm
Last Updated:Nov 16, 2022 5:32 pm
9851 Views

What is intimacy to a woman?
Women feel intimacy and closeness when they talk, touch, and share their thoughts and feelings with a loved one.

While a hug or holding a hand are both examples of physical intimacy, what are some other acts that could be seen as a form of intimacy?

Watching a woman shave her legs?
Watching a woman put on her makeup?
Watching a woman bathe?
Watching a woman sleep?

How about acts of intimacy towards a man?

Watching Him shave?
Watching Him sleep?
Watching Him bathe?

For me watching Him do anything showing his masculinity is intimacy for me.
One day I wish to find Him.

~hush
2 Comments
Its just a matter of opinion
Posted:Oct 30, 2021 2:19 pm
Last Updated:Nov 17, 2022 6:20 am
11170 Views
So recently I have come across a few men I have spoken to, who have caused me to stop, and question a few things about sexual relationships.

I am not here to preach or to debate, I will just attempt to put my thoughts down in this blog.

In a sexual relationship/understanding/dynamic, if the female is expected to give fellatio as a part of the time, why is it not something a woman should expect also?

I was very surprised to find that not all men will engage in the act of performing fellatio,, but they do expect their partner to do so. It has surprised me.
I have come to see that for me I live by.. "no get, no give"

I just find it very interesting, even with me, that a bj was just a routine part of sex. But as I have explore things and have discovered new way of enjoyment that I now kind of hope that mutual fellatio is part of the fun.

I also am curious if those who are dominants, do they think that performing fellatio is somehow not a dominate act? I just don't see it that way, especially if said subbie is tied up and unable to resist

I am just curious of others opinions and others views. I hope to get opinions on both side of the /.

Thanks so much for visiting...
12 Comments
Grins and giggles
Posted:Oct 12, 2021 6:02 pm
Last Updated:Aug 3, 2023 2:58 am
11285 Views

Today....a great day.
I learned a lot about me, about what makes me feel good,, and how to ask what makes me happy.

I not always done that. I in the past, accepted what, was. I always felt that asking was just selfishness and greedy.

Not today.

I was asked what I wanted.
I was listened to.
I was not rejected
I was not laughed at.
I was not made to feel shame.

i feel like I grew a bit today.
I discovered something new about myself.
That this journey can also be made up of lots of giggles and grins...and ohhhhh so many pleasures.

I am so thankful for today.

~hush
9 Comments , 1 Pending
I deserve all of YOU
Posted:Oct 7, 2021 10:22 am
Last Updated:Oct 30, 2021 7:11 pm
11297 Views

This is not a blog anyone choice on relationship, love or etc....its just my feeling,,opinion and views

]It amazes how I could find myself something that, years ago, I knew was not for me. I be with someONE, be His #1. I wonder when in my world did I ever think that I would be okay being involved with someone and be okay being #2?
Yeah,,the attraction is/was . Yes, the boxes were , except that "one".
made question just where I had placed my self value. When did I stop thinking that I deserved more and that my needs were not important. When did I stop loving myself and exactly what made think that I'd be okay. I never did spend time with "them" I never did give that a chance. I am not sure I would be okay, I hear of the horror stories of being the one in the corner crying...and I never wanted to be "that "
I now figure out how,,and where put these emotions, feelings etc.
This sucks all of sucks!

I promised myself that even if things were painful, I would find something positive out of situations. I guess one thing I can take from this "chapter" "moment" is that I remember my worth,,,I remember I am, and what is important . I can not and will not be 0% in a relationship if I forget about . I remember that and remember that its okay be selfish for the right reasons.


"How you love yourself is how you teach others love you" ~ Rupi Kaur

5 Comments

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