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jenny14 75T  
90121 posts
1/28/2019 1:40 am

NY

My Hard Limits stay unchanged but I am open-minded to explore new things...

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw

Jenny


looking4fat 72T

1/28/2019 3:38 am

Yes. My "limits" can vary depending on the Man i am serving at the time. My level of comfort and trust can allow me to try some things that i normally would not do.


But my "hard limits" remain the same: No Blood, No Poop, No Piercing, No Marks, and No "Safe Words." "No" means NO. My safe words are things like "No" and "stop" and "don't." i have always felt that "safe words" are for role players. My words and limits are for real life.


i have tried to spell all that out clearly in my profile. But you know how most members are about reading, "I'll look at the purty pi'chures now an' read that stuff later." and "later" never comes.


My "gurl name" is Kate Coxuker. It is who i am and what i do.


Knottyash73 55M
31 posts
1/28/2019 4:23 am

I firmly believe that limits should be adhered to. The sub sets these at the outset. She calls the shots initially. The dom then operates within those parameters so she can relax and enjoy what comes her way. Limits would only be explored as and when she was ready. The paradox of a d/s relationship or is that the dom operates in accordance with his subs predefined wishes....Always. So that brings us to another question....who is really in charge.


sletje1999 24F
132 posts
1/28/2019 5:21 am

When someone asks me about my limits I assume he means the hard limits, and yes they are not likely to change. Then there are the imits that I simply have because I don't feel ready to try them and sometimes it can be even something that changes from day to day. especially depending on the dom. For someone I just met recently I'm not likely to go anywhere that doesn't feel fully comfortable from the start, with someone I know for a longer time I'm more willing to have those non-hard limits tested a bit.


charlesmartel0 59M

1/28/2019 6:20 am

There are absolute limits, like children, blood, damage, whichever, and those are generally things I wouldn't get into anyway, but other things are usually more fluid. You simply can't generalize.

First, trust. It's the axis everything else radiates from. You know a cat won't put up with shit, but I have the patience and empathy to build trust and love in a cat. I'm actually pair-bonded with one right now, when I have something wrong, she'll come to me, silent meow, and pet me, look up at me like "What's wrong, daddy, what can I do?"

Second, communication. I need to know ahead of time where the softer limits are, so I know when to tread lightly. I want to expect her to obey anything I tell her, without question or hesitation, but her to trust that I won't tell her to do something she's not ready for. I won't expect her to be a mind reader and know what I want done, and neither am I one.

For example, the first time I trained a girl to anal, she started out very strait-laced about it, to the point of "no way will you ever". By the time I got in there and she had her first orgasm, she went total anal fiend. She didn't just tolerate it, she demanded it. You want to talk about getting through a limit, that was kind of the benchmark.


aliljaded 53F
8847 posts
1/28/2019 8:40 am

My soft limits change with time. He pushes them, which I am grateful for. But my hard limits never change. Thanks for the great topic.

"Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”


Motophoto11 60M
7 posts
1/28/2019 12:49 pm

Limits are an interesting term. There are things that are simply put a no I wont even consider doing that, i.e. scat, kids, animals ect, then there are what some call limits of what a sub can do. This is where many get confused and have a hard time understanding. Ultimately a sub can stop any scene, however, a good Dom knows how to work a sub into different tolerances for things. Take flogging for an example, a basic and simple part of a scene, Most subs tend to start out are a level of intensity that in time increases. Their Dom, works them past the "limit" of how long, how much, what type of flogging they can handle. They progress into different types of flogging and types of floggers, they get past a "limit" Same thing applies to paddling and spanking, the Dom has to be experienced enough to know where and when to work into a new level of intensity, and then guide the sub to where they can get too. Impact play with spanking and paddling can develop over time. There are levels of what a sub can actually endure and learn they like. I have known subs who loved spanking, that expanded into a paddle, which moved slowing into a hard crop, ect ect. Each sub has their own peak threshold where they can't go further. It is the Dom who has to kow how to bring that out for them and help the sub grow.
I can cite many other examples of this, where the level of intensity increases, this is what many term a "limit". There are also new experiences a sub many never have explored, or had someone experienced enough to explore with. For example, rope bondage, while some have a basic ability to tie, there are many various ways to correctly tie a sub. This can eventually lead to suspension bondage, again if the Dom has the knowledge and experience to know how to properly fly their sub. For example the play space I have in my home has hard points that can fly any sub, and many subs at first are a little scared of trying to leave the ground. The sub begins to trust their Dom as they do different ties and have more trust in their Dom. They are slowly introduced to being off the ground and their level of a limit for bondages increases. This opens up a new horizon for a sub and they begin to grow in their submission and nature.
BDSM isa wide range of things. A D/sM/s relationship needs growth a sub will crave this and a Dom will want to see the depth of their sub. In the 36 years I have been a Dom, I have seen many subs who are far more able to do certain things than they thought they could. Limits are a vague term, there are those things people call a hard limit, and then there are levels that some call limits. I have seen many of my sub over the years each different levels in different areas of bdsm, some were very surprised to learn just what they liked and what could actually make them excited, their previous doms merely scratched a surface that was never explored in depth.


dirty_biker 57M
67 posts
1/29/2019 1:16 am

    Quoting Knottyash73:
    I firmly believe that limits should be adhered to. The sub sets these at the outset. She calls the shots initially. The dom then operates within those parameters so she can relax and enjoy what comes her way. Limits would only be explored as and when she was ready. The paradox of a d/s relationship or is that the dom operates in accordance with his subs predefined wishes....Always. So that brings us to another question....who is really in charge.
Great question, who is really in charge? Ultimately, in a trusting relationship it is the sub, and of course if those limits are pushed a bit too far there is always the risk of falling into the non-consent area which could end with legal complications...


rosaenaluin 65F
10827 posts
1/29/2019 6:36 am

Great reactions, i too know i have some hard limits and some soft limits.
I even know that it is possible to make hard limits into soft limits....it scares the livingday light out of some
When you are in a Total Authority transfer kind of dynamic, you dont have hard limits, although it is wise to start with them.trust and communicationis key.


rosaenaluin 65F
10827 posts
1/29/2019 6:40 am

Oh,and the dom should 'work' with in the bounderies the sub provides


Dreamcatcher__ 87M
7019 posts
1/29/2019 9:26 pm

My objective is always to gradually introduce my submissive to the delights of becoming an odalisque, my pleasure slave. This shouldn't include anything she might find objectionable, as long as she is amenable to the conversion. This generally involves some compromise initially as we explore each others' preferences, and discover where the hard limits actually lie and accept them. I have generally encountered little resistance, since pleasure involves fulfillment and mutual satisfaction, and seldom includes anything that might be disagreeable to a true submissive.


linda39be 51F
9 posts
1/31/2019 6:46 am

It is adifficult subject. Personally I adhere to hard limits because I am not really a submissive or maso but an exhibitionist. I love to arouse men watching me being used in various ways. SM is the most effective way to get men into radiating lust. So taking it just that one step further just for their pleasure...that one notch on the Erostek, those 5 extra minutes on the wooden horse, that little bit of extra weight… well, it works for me


SteelyEyedMan 45M

1/31/2019 11:25 am

To each their own. Limits often change over time.


gutterpig 60F

2/1/2019 1:15 pm

I totally understand where you are coming from. It seems like I could have wrote this myself, as my list of limits was long compared to what they are now. It takes your trust in the Dom to communicate your fears and find out why they are on that list. And it takes that same trust for the sub to move it or keep it there. Ultimately it is the subs decision.

Thank you for sharing


bobnuotatore69 54M

2/18/2019 3:03 pm

I had really a few limits since from the start but those remained


Used19 62F

3/24/2019 6:20 am

I have few Hard Limits but the ones I do have are set in Stone! My other limits are always negotiable... I'm currently exploring my pain threshold.... and I always have my safe word!


kdom4whores2 65M
230 posts
4/7/2019 4:14 am

Limits are a personal thing everyone is right in what they say and if it works for them then great. The main thing to think about is not the limits you can set what you like but if you dont trust the person you are going with then dont put yourself in that position of giving them the choice to respect or break your limits, soft ones may not hurt in long run but some could potentailly change or distroy your life.
Sorry dont usually get involved in public debates but just wanted to have my say lol.



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